Some far too stretched dreams?!

Today, started watching "Hindi Medium" movie.

Why? It was a fallout of "tenu suit suit karda" song which starred Irrfan khan.

Started watching it a few moments ago. 

The movie is still going on, but at this point, it made me realize some uncompleted broken far too stretched dreams I had of my own when I was young.

So, I can relate a lot to movie. The movie is set in Old Delhi - Chandni Chowk. A hindi medium guy, owns a Saree fashion house. Has good money. Used to old style delhi traditions, care free attitude, awesome nature. But wife insists that they should get along with well educated morons, to have a  larger friend circle for their child. So, they move out to South Delhi, host a party, invite the unknown neighbors, but as the saying goes - you can take a person out of Old Delhi, how can you get rid of Delhi from within the person. This guys fav song comes on the DJ and he gets into desi style action. All the spectators are faces drawn for this desi swag is something they inhibit.

Now, I paused here and started blogging.

At this point I realize, this is something I wanted to do. I live in a society that has lots of class discrimination. Now, we are not typically the poorest, but we aren't in the richest as well. What I wanted/dreamt when I was a child was to accumulate enough wealth as a grown up, invite the whole society to a party  would host, want them to yearn for an invitation. and when they arrive, dont give a  fuck to their presence. Not to insult them, but specifically to make them feel belittle infront of my magnum wealth.

As the title mentions, dreams too far stretched, this is still a dream. 

I gained a lot, but so did everyone.

Nvm.. getting back to this awesome clip.. 

Hectic Life..no time..

Today being Saturday morning, I got up really early.
I have been wanting to get back and log a few things I feel now a days.
Life's getting hectic and there's no going back. Going forward, it will be more hectic.
I feel like I don't have any time/energy to plan in new stuff, important stuff.

What's my day like?

What's missing? What are the important things needing my time?

 Get up around 6.15 am. No alarm, just a tad habit developed due to NADSAQ trading at 6.30 am PST. I go to the washroom, sit on the seat and that's when the real trading starts.
I usually review pre-market and see if any stocks I own/ don't own but should own need attention. Well, it's been doing me good since market's been doing good and this infact is great! so, far in the last month or so, I have grown roughly 5k over 100k. At this speed, in a year, I should be able to touch 60k? Wow!! But I really need a NVIDIA like stock that can go 6x. Imagine 100k in NVIDA 2 years ago. Mots likely I would be a millionaire now.

This sound's amazing.
What else? After spending a dedicated 30-45 mins to stock market, I get up usually with a numb leg, gather my shit/act up and get out of toilet. By this time, I am praying to god to be with me. Lately my faith in god has significantly risen.
The next thing I see is my cute little pie lying in some fancy position alongside his mom.
I let him sleep if he is sleeping,  and get out, get ready for day; or pacify him if he's a bit fussy.

The whole night, it's his mom who wakes every 2 hours to feed him. I rarely have any energy left to get up  in night. That's something  wish I could help her with.

After getting started with the day, by 8.30 I'm usually ready and Mansi wakes up to prepare some fascinating breakfast. A new item each day. I always look forward to having delicious breakfast and some tea variation  served to me.

I sometimes help her with placing dishes out of dishwasher and placing the clothes from dryer into the rack.

Well, that's about the good part.
So far, everything is good.
Then the office starts and it sucks all the energy and all the motivation out of me. By the time I return home, I am all enervated wanting to lie down and eat eat and eat.
I usually get home by 6 in evening and my day as per my energy/motivation levels has already ended.
Earlier, at Qualcomm, I still had a bunch of energy left to hit the gym for 1.30 hrs and still get back and do the dishes and prepare some dinner. Now, even hitting gym for 10 mins seems a bug task.
I read that in the whole week we should atleast have 150 mins of active exercise.

Apple interview & SFO

i went to interview for apple on 19-120 oct.
i landed on sunday, 19 oct.
my flight got delayed first by 2 hours.
i took a rental cab and car charger wont work
my gps wont work therefore
i had to pick prafulla.
he lived in san jose.
it was an hour drive from sfo to san jose.
i went, picked him and came back to sfo again.
wasted good 2 hours just travelling.
we decided to see golden gate bridge.
couldn't find any parking just before entering.
i didnt plan the trip. i went in the bridge.
then kept going to find the passage to eleaveted view.
went quite ahead and then decided to turn back.
then the gps signalled to turn right very near to entrance.
leaving the main road has always been problematic.
didn't leave main road and reneterd the bridge on way back.
got through the toll.
it took pic and we were required to pay the toll.
then went ahead looking to comeback and park somewhere near.
we took u turn after lots of hassle, entered the bridge again just spoting the point where we had to park.
we crossed the bridge and then went to the correct point!
took some great photos!
spent a good time there!
and that's the only best part of this trip.
we came back again through the toll and decided to eat.
we located some funny sounding pizza location nearby.
we went there hustling thru the traffic, doing multiple rounds tring to cope up with malfunctional gps, dried out batteries and hopes.
we finally reached the food joint. now, the parking was a problem.
we were not carrying any change to put into parking meters.
none the less we decided to park somewhere nearby where there is no parking fees
we found several such places to park, but our car was a lot bigger than the parking space available.
so, again we went further ahead to find a parking spot.
we couldnot find any.
we decided to leave the lunch and leave.
prafulla had already drained yhe energy out of me talking about all the negativity he still pertained from nsys days. i was quite upset after that.
i already had plans with ravindra for which i was already running to late.
we left and hit the main freeway back to san jose in evening having done absolutely nothing at all the whole day.
i drove back all tired and hungry. when i hit san jose, i had to go to the loo real bad. i had top stop the car multiple and walk to relieve the pressure. at a point, i decided to park the car somewhere on the road and run to nearby store.
i asked the store manager if i could use restroom and he denied.
by that time, pressure was already releieved and i returned back to the car.
luckily i found a parking spot nearby and raan to mc donalds for the restroom.
again, it required change to let you in. i went into mc donald's. there was a family, who kept the counter busy for next 15 mins talkng to the service guy.
after all the rbbish talks and chatter, once they left, i got a chanve to ask for the much valued change. took it, put it into the box on door and got in to be relieved.
i then went to dominos and orderred a large pizza which was real bad.
then i called ravindra and he was quite upset but never the less, he told me to goto hotel and told me that he will be coming to meet me at my hotel itself.
i went back to hotel, got to my room so tired. i called mother and talked about how tired i was through the day.
then i went down the lobby and waited for ravindra to come.
ravindra came, and then we left for a nearby starbucks.
he again bought some coffee for me.
it was the best thing that happened that day.
i really liked meeting him after a long time.
i got back, talked to mansi.
told her, i missed her.
she was so sweet and i liked her a lot.
then, i slept thru the night.
got in the middle of the night and chatted with her again.
it feels so good to just be able to chat with her.
early in the morning, my eyes opened and i couldnot get any more sleep.
i called her, she couldn't pick.
then after sometime, she called back.
it was the best thing today that happened.
the happiness in my soul resonates with frequency of her voice.
i was just so happy to be able to find myself talking to her.
she talks as if she likes me very much. this is probably the best thing in the whole world.
she then told me to get ready as we had already spent an hour talking.
time passes by really quick when i talk to her.
finally i started to get ready.
i quickly gathered all my stuff and left the hotel after quick breakfast.
i reached the Apple in the lobby area where i was told to meet the first interviewer.
i was dressed very casually.
i wasn't carrying any documents at all with me.
i waited for 15 mins before first interviewer vijay gupta arrived. he looked happy to see me.
i was happy as well. we went into one of the rooms and he started with the questions.
very basic and very simple questions.
from my resume, from the things i had done.
it all should have been there in my mind. i couldnt answer most of the questions confidently and kept hovering between choices.
q1: axi deadlock...
id 4 bit wide, how many outstanding addresses
q2: 4 nand gate from 2 nand gates
q3: static/automatic in verilog and pass by value/ref in verilog
q4: swap variables without temp
he left and i asked him if was from DIT, it didnt help
then some other gut came, mostly focussed on clk syncs and others.
q5: didn't had mouch knowledge. mostly focussed on metastability.. i told him metabolism :(
asked a lot of questions form me about my verification block. i told all the design. none looked impressed.
q6:asked me to draw a fsm to detect 101100.. drew it right, but there were some minor acceptable issues.
then a chinese guy came and just talked about interrupt controller. ours was such a simple one, didn't had much complexity. so i had to make up stuff and again didn't look that great.
he asked what was the most intersting verification part i developed. i told him about the slimbus verification script but i guess he could't catch most of it.
we went for lunch together.
it was a great campus and such a huge canteen area. although my lunch was paid, i still paid,
i took something vegan points.. it wasn't that great, ate some,  threw some and left for more interviews.
then another chinse SoC guy came
asked  more questions
q7: describe the MMU/ ARM controller, what is cahce, what did i verify in arm, how many registers and stuff.
q8: perl: why hashes are used?
q9: struct/union/class.
q10:soc integration tests
and then another south indian came. i told him i've seen him somwhere and he told me that's not possible. he has not been to india since last decade.
q11: asked me to show how bayesian network worked. i couldn't recollect all. asked me to show practical application.
q12: mmu h/w or s/w controlled.
q13: AXI stuff..
and then main manager came:
looked haooy initially and tensed later on
q14: axi interconnect, slave not responding with AWREADY, what should interconnect reply back to Master?
q15: fifo
q16: write speed 100MHz, read speed 30MHz, depth 40. how much time to overflow? i had done this qyestion earlier, but failed this time.
q17: DSP and design implentation and my responsobilities,

q18: how will you verify a 128 bit wide data bus for no shorts in less than 128 patterns
q19: how will swap bit positions 2&4 in 32bit wide integer
q20: how will you calcualte number of ones in integer.
q21: bubble sort
q22: quicker implementations.
q23: how to verify a memory such 32 bits wide? if top most bit is not set. something to do with the patterns.

there after i recieved a phone call from HR telling me that based on feedbacks so far, the rest of i/vs were being cancelled and i was free to leave.
i left
i hadn't looked at my resume and it killed the day and efforts.
i couldn't defend what i wrote in my resume.
i wasn't which resume i had sent.
i was too proud perhaps.
 reminds me of the AMD, hyderabad interview.
was a mess too.

We have come so far..... the life seems like a racing car...

I sit at my home and I know I'm born no poet,
but today I want to explore the roads and see what's out of the closet..

The life's been so heterogeneous and written by non-uniform pencil,
remind me of the graphs like exponential..

Sweet, caring, caressing,  slow and steady initially,
until throttling into the full racing gear recently...

The space-time is steady and relative to observer, to quote Einstein, may be changed at will,
Alas the ONE didn't give me enough power to wrap the fabric and bring the time acceleration to a kill...

Here I'm in a place, at a time, with a  mindset, armed with skills, and looking to a destiny ahead -  I always desired,
yet I've carried and preserved all the innocence, sweetness, eagerness, curiosity,  fear, charm, love, zeal and envy of a 6 year old...

Time, they say, has great powers - it changes everything in it's tide,
And I've also been a spectators in its arena; effected by its forceful ride..

But like the skin effect of high voltage current,
time changed in me, only the outside which was transparent..

The inside, the core - it still remains and retains,
Quietly the flame sustains...

It's all by the rules of the nature,
provides tools for the safety of its creature..

Being an introvert, I never considered it good for me,
recent study shows, a highly reactive Amagdyla is the key...

The evolution provides this advantage,
high reactivity on the inside, shields me from outside dangers, keeps me self engaged...

The ONE who scripts the roles for his characters in this book of life,
does the justice - to some with powerful Amagdyla and to some with knife...

Carrying the love of a child, I miss my home, my family,
Has this been a paper, my tears would mark this love more elaborately..

I talk to them face to face 3-4 hours in a day,
But Alas, "mamta, ehsaas, sparsh, apnapan" don't stay...

I'll get back and I hope to see you soon,
The scripter of my life, please don't make it in a blue moon...
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ashish Aggarwal
09/07/2013
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A question I've been exploring ever since - what's the purpose of life?
So far, I'ven't found any conclusive answers - I still maintain it's  a life without purpose..

Just some of the things, that I always knew weren't the answer, some of which I eliminated myself:
1. Is it money?? NO..
2. Is it love?? mabe
3. Is it fame??  Fame is ephemeral. It's like electrons in Quantum physics. It lasts but as soon as you observe it - it's all gone.. Answer is NO..
4. Is it knowledge?? maybe
5. Is it fear?? mabe
6. Is it just survival under any circumstance?? definitely..

Ah!! Back again

The entire year 2012 passed and I never cared for once to blog, for there was no reason for me to get here. Alas, begins 2013 and in this myriad of entanglements of events, here I'm back again to note down my current state of mind.

I was going good at my previous company Mentor Graphics, getting good recognition and work-life balance. I'd my own car, my own house, staying with my family, spending good quality time with them and with friends, visiting hot destinations I always wanted to do, and everything one could possibly ask for in life. Life seemed as if I was able to plug in all the pieces in place and make a clean and good picture out of it. Everything was good, everything was great, everything was in place, well settled, quite, calm and compose, serene and as perfect as it could be.
But then, the want-to-live-in-US bug infected me and boom!! Here I'm in shackles, in a no man's land, unsure of what went wrong, and all the pieces of life lie before me - afloat in air again.

Sleathy Philosophy

It almost 1 in the night and I wonder why am I awake till now. Today was a usually normal day with no such pressure to keep me awake till 1 in night and drive me to blog!
There are three things bugging me right now (in the order of their sequence):
1. I saw a few people (of my age) posting their outing pics with hot friends in hot destinations. For me the missing part was the hot friends. I never had that much time to devote to these hotties. Here comes the question that even those guys have 24 hours in day, so how do they manage. So here I've another line of thought - My technical field doesn't have these hotties and so I don't get that kind of exposure. Hmm, this seems to be more rational. But then, I could also have made it in those companies (read non-tech)? Well, I can work there as well, but I lover my technical core engineering *more* than that. This leads me to another question:
2. Right now, I'm getting paid well and comparable to what a good graduate from top B-skools in India would expect. Rather, I've been making it from the day he would have entered the B'skool. Cool! So where's the tension? The thing is that this scenario is good for today and I'm sure that I can make it stay as it is forever also, but that would require answering the third and the most fundamental question. Right now, to third person my qualifications seem to be little infront of some one who has IIM-A tag with some CFA certifications. Even I' m sometimes attracted by these numbers of Qualifications. On top of that, I've my friends telling me that what are the kind of remunerations one could get by working in Investment Banking/ PE/ Portfolio Management. What I'm being paid right now is the best what I could expect at my level. Although there is lot to learn and I'm doing my best (read the best possible in absolute terms), I don't know how much benefit would it give me in terms of monetary returns. While other s and I, both are adding to their knowledge, the difference is that their number of degrees are also increasing while I'm still a B.E. So I love what I do and I exceed at that, but is the correct thing to do if for-god-sake tomorrow others with more degrees are getting higher salaries than me? So this leads me to the basic and fundamental question on which I began to ponder when I was just 8 years old. At age of 8, money and materialistic values don't have any such importance. But since I'd these questions in my mind really early, I later built a very holistic and intellectual thinking procedure transcending these monetary equations.
3. So the third and the most difficult question is what I think is the real QUEST for life
- What is that I'm supposed to do in a lifetime given to me? Contributing to others is what seems most logical to me, but who can assert it?
- What is the meaning of life to me ? There are somethings I'm good while somethings at which I'm not. So how did I decided which hobbies to adopt?
- Why is it that only certain people interact with me?
- How can I know what is good and what is not? What I perceive to be good may not be good in absolute terms.
- Our actions are important but how? If we work hard, we achieve what we need, but is that thing really we require?
- Do we know what we need?

Just a few of these questions.. The QUEST has many more abstract questions. One thing I've understood in these years is that - to find a solution, you must clearly define the question. So still many more questions need to be framed. And them they need to be answered. Is a lifetime enough for answering these?

-Ashish

Dessign Patterns Revisited

I'm an Elecronics Engineer and my profile requires me to keep myself updated on most o the technologies and keep learning the new ones.

Now when the new technologies are so varied and so different in aspects of their utility, reading the docs is a priority.

When there is so much to study, with different contexts, and within limited time, then just reading the docs for the sake of it is not sufficient.

The way I developed this "Design Pattern 1" is that you first get the idea of the doc at an abstract level. At an abstract level, you only know the very high level working of the things in the docs and you have very slight idea about the different contexts/nodes in the docs. So you know the graph and connections between these nodes at an abstract level, but you dont know contents of the nodes at this level.

At this time, and at this abstraction, you can relate it to your graphs already stored in your mind/database. The similarities can help you, to a great extent, to get familiar thoroughly with new concepts.

So in this way you keep using your previous knowledge, and at the same time, with very good understanding of the context, you keep updating your database as well. This updated database increases your diversities of the graphs known to you, ans this further helps you in commanding new documents/techniques.

Blogging again

The last blog was almost an year ago on 25 june...

Before that I used to login to put some of my thoughts into the blog as a snapshot of my feeling at that moment.

So a whole year passed and I didn't even thought of blogging.. WHY?
What happened today that I thought and even executed it?

I think an year ago, I got into the company I always dreamed of. I was learning what I wanted to learn. I was doing what I wanted to do. I was in my hometown living with my parents as I always wanted to. I was with my friends meeting with them occasionally and had a good time.

All this made me feel so "complete" that I even thought of settling and getting married!

Well, so this could be a reason why I never thought of blogging again as the feelings were so good and I was always so enlightened that I never felt to record those feelings in the blog...

If plaintive feelings made me to blog, so am I lugubrious today as well?

Well maybe or maybe not - I maybe in pensive mood because I'd shifted to Noida last month and somehow the vacuocity of the room reminds me of the "completeness" I used to feel at home.

The flavours of these kind of "only me" feelings aren't new to me. Lets get into out time-machine and getting going backwards...

When I was at Kota, monthly or bi-weekly, I used to taste these, no matter how bitter they maybe.

During my stay at Kota, this bitterness became far stretched in search of anecdote, sometimes I used to just get out, catch an auto and leave for home catching a train. That was in itself a different story. Now I don't want to travel even in busses as they are overcrowded. At that time, I used to go to ticket counter, take a General ticket, then got in sleeper on any empty RAC and used to pay the TC the remaining amount. I don't think I can do that as of now.
If anything substantially affected me, it was my 6 months stay at Kota. I can never forget those days. It was not as if the stay there was torturous, but I had never been exposed to that kind of a reality. I had to complete most of the task myself. I'd never understood before that what responsibilities were .

Just like today, at Kota I used to have a lot of free time and when there is so much of time for yourself, you introspect and retrospect. At that time, I didn't had a laptop with me and so I didn't blogged. But still, when there is no-one to share the "so-personal" feelings, you have to find a way to vent them out. And so I used to find a piece of paper and start writing them down.
By the end of my stay, I had compiled a good collection of 10 or 15 notes.

Recently, I discovered that I could make/ compose short poems/shayari very quickly. I guess this was one of the many "by-products" that the 6-month stay provided me.

Now that we have started a journey in reverse gears, lets move a few more years back. As a student, I was never very good. Above averge maybe, but not the toppers that everyone wanted to be. At that time, the study for me meant a laborious task and I was only a labor who had to toil in atleast 2 hours daily to earn his daily hour of computer games.

It was back in 1996 when I got a PC for myself. At that time, I didn't knew what I had in my hands was something that was going to be my destiny. Within no time, I was an expert at DOS programming and could actually write and make sense of FoxPro Codes written by my father. Now for a child of age 10 years, this was prodigial and precocious.

So the wage I used to get for studing was that I could play PC games and go outdoor with my childhood friends to play games like "ooch-meech ak papra" and all. I remember that in those there used to be two attractions in the video games segment. First was the Sega gaming consoles, the one that I never had and the other used to be the PCs. So I had the then popular DOS games like Dangerous Dave, pacman, prince of persia... I still remember that it took me almost a month to get par Level 5 in Dave. All those jetpacks (Alt) and Guns (Ctrl) defined my sources of fun. At that time, when other children used to be mischievous, I was quiet as a stone and so self-composed that my mother was always worried about my mental health! The time progressed and changes started to affect me as well. Slowly the pressure to perform and excel in studies forced me to be more concentrated on the books. It's sometimes painful to see that the only criteria for the parents and teachers to decide the astuteness and mental abilities of a child are through the percentage he gets. Its been my attribute that I cant get along well with the things that don't entice me, but then I'm a master in the things that I find attracting. The syllabus in the preliminaries was never "logical" and was mostly something I call as a reference. So to mug up these references and spit them out in answer-sheet never made sense to me. Yes, even today I don't want to be caught in a situation where I am no more that a "mnemonic" machine.BREAK!

So in the 4th std itself, my overly concerned parents found a tutor for me. And I used to take daily tutoring classes at 4-5pm after school. The trend continued for many years. I was good in Maths and Science even then, but the percentage depended on Literature subjects like hindi and English as well. There was nothing in those syllable that intellectually challenged me. Albeit, today it's a necessity to be good in English :(.

Rules and regulations made me to go in a defensive mode where a cryst surrounded the cognitive engine in my brain. I never wanted to think beyond what's already there till advent of 7 th std. It all started with the breaking of Science into physics, chemistry and biology at that time. The physics caught my attention. The flow of heat, bending and refracting of light, creation of rainbow and other principles of mother nature had my attention. In chemistry the effect of temperature and pressure on states of materials and how did it affected them made an affinity bond with me as well. I was slowly breaking the crust and letting the thinking and cognitive engine start again. The fuel for this engine was the study material and content that I used to get. Instantly I could predict what could be the next excerpts from the book. Slowly the tutor was amazed to see the clarity of my thinking process and assured the parents that I had a sound knowledge of the basics and was good at logic reasoning. And then in consecutive three years, I'd baggd top 3 postions in the class! From being to nowhere in top 20s till 6th std, I was amongst the toppers. Alas! my parents took a long time to find the peculiar qualities the nature instilled in me.

Prior to class 7th and after 3rd class, somehow I had started to hate field activities and never went out to play. Somehow after 7th, my interest in playing started to re-develop and I started going out again. I made good friends along and by the 9th class, I was usually made the cricket captian of our Apt. So 7th to 9th was a renaissance for me and the revival was all good. So far there were no obligation on me to perform well. But then I entered the 10th std, the over-hyped boards exams, 10-12 hrs of study, 95% of marks to get good stream and all the associated rubbish started to haunt me. I lost a track of the things once again and just felt the pressure. Somehow after these experiences, I can positively state that the human mind has some kind of defensive method where it blocks the thinking and cognitive engine. All I felt was the pressure to perform and succeed, I again had lost the interest I had developed in those past 3 years and affinity was almost dissolved by the caustic pressure of expectation.

The same trend continued in the 11th and 12th and I failed with equal consistency.
The C++ programming language seemed so frightening to me in those days when I had mastered Foxpro and Qbasic in 3rd. IT certainly seems odd. The more wayward thing is that in 11th-12th days, I didn't even remember that I'd mastered QBasic or Foxpro. The Thinking and logic reasoning engine in my brain was simply broken down! Programming requires good amount of application, but at that time it was simply not there! I'd once again lost it! The so involving Physics seemed to be daunting to me that I had constantly failed in the subject. Even today, I can't figure out that how could I not catch up with the so logically structured physics?

Even the derivatives and integrals were so difficult for me to follow. I remember that I'd tried my best to get hold on these subjects, but mymind was simply not performing to the expectations. Again there was this haunted JEE pressure. And so I failed to click either of these in the exam and had no "good" choice left.

So I went to Kota (a true Mecca for me), it shaped me once again in every respect. I think it was in my best interest that I had dropped and more importantly went to Kota. It was a landmark in my life and value the learnings deeply.

The amazing thing that happened to me at Kota was that my cognitive engine in brain was working and was more powerful than ever before. Immediately after the exams were over, I turned on the PC and just returned to programming for FUN. Yes, somehow I found programming to be fun now. Given that I'd not touched any programming related questions/text at Kota, I couldn't have Built a parser to draw graphs on any trignometric or exponential function, or calculate the integral of a function between 2 points or find a tangent to any arbitrary function at any point. Yes, I make sense in the programming and make the complex Data Structures work for me immediately. This isn't something that I'd expected to occur. It was something that helped me understand myself thoroughly.
I like to work and do the most challenging work that involves logic and application of mind, but I can't work if something that is to be done "by norms of a being" nad just for the sake of it.

The four golden years spent at college made me learn, that the knowledge is the true friend and to gain knowledge you have to be humble, behave foolish and be greedy for it. Just doing that and loving it!

This has also helped me in deciding to let-go off MBA, when every one around is/or will be an MBA. The tremendous pressure from parents/relatives/friends to go for MBA vacillated my mind but as with the circuits, after some attenuation, I attained that quiescent point that I am a person driven by excitement and curiosity rather than the social norms and standards. I believe in setting your own standards and expectations rather than following what others had set for themselves.

Good to be back again! Just love this blogging phenomenon, my haven to vent out he feelings..

its good to be me!!!!

yupee the day was to be lived for.Suddenly some random, now real wierd thoughts , dont pour into my mind, its only the positive vibes. the only thing at this time i wish is for the sustainability of these vibrant moments.

Life seems to be so goooood!!!

Today I recd the final call from MG, Noida confirming the status of my selection. With a whooping handsome "import pkg::*', it was a delight living the day. All the worries have just vanished. I am glad and thats enough for the day!!!!!!!

Some unanswered questions...

There are a few questions which always trickle my mind:::

1. Work, money and passion .....
Make work your religion?
or
Make passion your work?
or
Work for Money?
or the most important aspect :::
Make money your passion???

I am always stuck in a situation like this where a un-intentional comparison is always made between my not-so-low income and my cousins' not-so-high income. I am always forced to think that why is it that the only thing that matters in life is not so specious "Money" but infact its actually the "Difference" you are able to create.

I always realise justone thing : Its not important to earn well... but its important to be earning significantly high in your living group/society. No matter whatever you earn, but what you earn should be enviable in your society.

Today since my family is not dependent on my earnings, I favour this side, but tomorrow who knows... I believe the only truth about human feelings that has not changed is the enviousness.

Oh Goodness! Time , can't thou stand by and wait for me?

10 years passed away in a swift. I stood by dreaming -back in 2000 - of the present time. Each memory in the midst, so carefully collected somewhere in my mind that now I wish that there could be a way to dump and secure these memories which are vulnerable to Time itself.

Returning back to the year when new millennium started , the year Y2k - I clearly remember I was in my eight standard. On Dec 31 1999, as the world welcomed the new year, I was sitting aat my old home, watching that time's famous J.Lo's "Waiting for tonight". That video had been started such that at the ending of the video, when the DIGITAL clock turns down to 00.00.00, the feared Y2K bug, as anticipated, also turns down without much effect worldwide.

When I was in eight std, 13 yrs of age, I had gained all the knowledge and street smartness necessary to face the world. Ten years down the line, all I had accumulated above those are a few experiences.

I thought of writing all this when I today heard my old fav song - "Nachengi Saari Raat Soniyo Ve" by Stereo Nations released back in 2000. At that time, whenever I heard this song, it sent good vibes within me. Not before this song, had I ever taken interest in music. Today just the same happened- I was worried regarding something, but as the song sprang up from a Function outside, I just felt the same enthusiasm I used to have back in 2000.

If I compare that Life is like a mountain, then for me the intial slope , somehow was more steep of mountain than the latter. Its 'coz in initial years, I gathered tools for climbing and used them as well. But now it seems as if no more "NEW" tools are required, as those previously gathered tools seem to be enough.

I just wonder, if something is going wrong at this point of time - in the intial 14 years , if I learnt 100 things, then in the last 10 years, I hardly learnt 10. Exponentia is in nature - this was one of those 10 things I learnt later - comes here too! And so its worrysome but if the trend continues, in exponential order, then I will learn hardly a thing or two in later 10 years or so.

Einstein, if at all you read this, please negate your your theories. Just as speed of light corresponds to time and like no object, whatsoever mass, can never surpass speed of light, so in no way can we revert back time. But since "Nothing' is stationary in this world, so one day "Time" will definitely become both this "Nothing" and nothing at all. Just waiting fot that day. I hope the countdown has begun. Any clues to where the counter is right now??

some of the funniest answers... How would have my teachers reacted ti these??? lol!!

human Adaptation For Its existence and how this adaptation defeats the same purpose

We all know, Darwin's theory of "Survival of the Fittest". Well, this can be derived somewhere from the roots of the human body and habits to adapt to different conditions. Had this adaptability been absent, we all would have been still in the same primitive forms that had existed around 5 billion years ago.
We have been always changing ourselves physically and mentally, by giving different weightage to organs whose function is determined by conditions. The most plausible example is our brain. earlier like the BIG CATS, our brain used to occupy a small region in our skull and most of the space was filled with strong muscular filaments that enabled us to chew and churn out the raw flesh. But with time, we cooked the food, the haard proteins present emollified and there was no need for these muscular jaws anymore. Now, that we think we have been transformed into the most intelligent species in this world, building up computers and artificial neural networks, which are made up of interconnecting artificial neurons (programming constructs that mimic the properties of biological neurons), slowly with time - the future generations may be 100 years down the line will not require such a strong functioning of mind. Most of their work, as anticipated by all, will be done by machines made by us.

Having stated the fact that our body functions as per the requirement of time and conditions, aren't these kind of modifications a precursor to the good times ahead? So is there anything like the good times or the bad times? When the times are bad, we transform ourselves accordingly and adjust to requirements of time that , I think, make us feel it good. At the same level of argument, when the times are good, we let loose those acquired talent (the modifications) and once again enter the BAD phase. So this is something circularatory in behaviour and keeps comming and going.
Expressing mathematically, Life is just a circle --- whose coardinates are given by (r * cos (W), r * sin(W)), where W is the time and r is our capacity to hold on to the acquired modifications. The larger the area of this circle, the more we have achieved in the phase of a lifetime!

How drastically the times have changed

Yesterday due to my ignorance, the cellphone's battery discharged completely. So as an alternative contact, I gave my office's landline number at my home, if in case they wanted to contact me. Yesterday at office, I knew I was going to be late in night, but till morning? So today morning, the office's landline number rang. Four of us guys, who had taken the charge of running ns*s (free of cost literally), were busy giving assistance to our Manager - Ni*in Gu*ta, got surprised at phone's ring. It occurred to me that it could be from my home as it was 6 in morning and my father usually gets up around this time. So the guy who attended the call handed me the phone, and at that time I was in a state of complete shock! Not because I had been at office for more than 20 hours but because it was my FATHER who called me up to inquire when I was coming...

A few years back, before the advent of Cellphones, it used to be me instead of my Father to call and inquire when will the receiver of the Landline phone be leaving.

It isn't that it was the first time I have beeen out of my home for the whole night and neither is it the case that my father called me up at 6 in the morning, but It was the first time my father called me on Office Landline to inquire when will I be leaving the office for home. A few years and a battery braeak down - A Complete Role Reversal....

I would have never been able to realise this had my cellphone been working!!

Realisation

I was lucky enough to be able to get started with my job, though at a company I never heard of, but it was the only one at that point of time that could provide me some work. Not that I wasnt capable of or was lacking somewhere, but just that I couldn't have the oppurtunity to see the recruitment process for some big "Dream Companies". The simple reason being the flawed selection criteria that judges ou by how well you scored ("How well can you cram up ") rather than testing you on your understanding, awareness, interest and knowledge.

Many good comapnies came and I just stood by waiting for them to have a look at my resume, my projects, my publications, my awards, my interest and importantly look at my capabilities. None of them actually had a look.

I began to mould myself accordingly, asserting that I was lacking somewhere and should divert from this field. My interest in those things which earlier had my adneraline running high, now slowly began to dissolve.

Ah and now : taking a similey from computer's language:
These comapnies had recruited students: DECLARATION
The recruited students actually got the job and are working: EXECUTION

So the declration was good but still the execution is demanding.

Now looking back, I can just say " Jo hota hai Aache ke Liye Hota hai" --- Or is it that we make it happen like that so that whenever we look back, we always find ourselves on the correct path.



Till this point, when I got the execution running fine, I was again filled with all ambitions that had perhaps gone in coma earlier. All the previously gained knoweldge was now to be put into, and utilised in the best possible way. Importantly, I had with me those "Top Scorers and the DRs from NSIT and DCE". With all praises for those "Big Dream Cos", for them working inthis never-heard-company was never lesser than a curse---curse of the Recession that had gripped the f**king US economy all tightlier. These guys just found this Practical Implementation just too wierd. All was of that was a rocking moment for me. Only a few times in my life before, had I felt so relaxed,light and contented.

And so began the task, the task of building up the company and myself together. All of thiswas a great moment, I was working on the things I had "loved", getting decently paid.It was nothing less than Learning and earning.

but today, came that Realisation- realisation about the company's staff: The earlier recruits were from colleges like MAIT, AMITY and others. Since a friend of mine topped at MAIT, therefore I keow the people out there were not interested much in all these things. Because of my friend at MAIT, topping I had a very poor image of MAIT.

But I met a recruit here, from MAIT who forced me to dissolve this dogma. Her knowledge in her field is unparalled! She also got admit from GATECH! Passing out of the same batch, how could two people be standing on two opposite ends? Realsiation ....

Poor Delhi Roads.

Our govt does so much of construction and repairing of roads to avoid any mishaps but at the same time gives away the Driving Lic to these girls and aunties. Having no or negative road sense, these foolish citizens make our journey nothing less than hell. Its nothing short of a terror for me to drive infront of a women-driven car or follow her. Today a Patakha (simply too hot) was on a mission to kiss my car. I drove a bit faster and prevented the "kiss". Had it not been the car, the "kiss" would convert into a bump. Anyways, when i stopped the car, to see who actually it was, she simply looked at me, smiled and drove ahead. Ah! these girls-driven car should be banned!

Future Aint What It used TO BE!!!

Time Flies and Life bids in a BELIEF!

Life is nothing but a belief. And what belief?
A belief in the future
A belief that though past and present havent been much exciting,
but the future is going to be.
A belief that the best part of your life is still to come.
A belief that the sun will rise tomorrow and
you will set all the things right.
A belief that you have been destined by GOD to be the ONE.

We all cling to our valued belief do nothing in our present,
keep cursing our past and finally make the future even worse.

This is common tendency with all of us to be so Optimistic because
the Past we witnessed,
the Present wasted
but yet the Future is unknown, unseen,unwitnessed and most importantly untouched and unaffected by our deeds.

So we rightly deserve to think that the Unknown Future is going to be bright, but as soon as we enter the Future , corrupt it with our Deeds, we are then in no position to say that "The Future Aint What It Used Yo Be!!!"

Electronics in Future

If you are good at something, you will always be in demand.
Analog designers are born and not grown!
Digital design is kinda glamorous with more money and job openings in it.
As the institutes breed digital grads and as analog veterans(i can recall just one name) retire, analog is becoming something of a lost art.
As of today, the analog sector is just confined to pwer sector with making design that are more power efficient.
I am just too good at at analog design rather than digital but as digital is glamorous, I find only jobs in digital sector.Forcefully I have to divorce this analog field, so close to my heart, take up digital but I will never let the basic understanding of analog design depart from me.
Following 10 design skills wouldn’t be a bad hedge against future insecurity.
Skill #1: Analog Design

Skill #2: Radiation Hardening

This relatively obscure discipline is receiving greater attention as the government and military increasingly demand circuits that can withstand cosmic rays, solar radiation, atomic blast radiation, and related perils, both in space and on earth.

Skill #3: Programming C linux

Skill #4: RF: WiFi WiMax Bluetooth GSM CDMA

Skill #5: Optics:optical computing and other emerging photonics-based technologies.

Skill #6: Digital Signal Processing:DSP:understanding of DSP design and architecture, as well as knowledge in functional and structural RTL design, logic partitioning, logic simulation, and debug environments. Also helpful is an ability to be proficient in high-speed and/or low-power logic design as well as an ability to work with logic synthesis, static timing analysis, and high-speed processor implementation concepts

kill #7: Emerging Power Technologies: cutting-edge power technologies such as solar energy, fuel cells, and next-generation batteries can be a big career advantage in a world that’s becoming increasingly “green.”
Skill #8: Quantum Physics:quantum principles are gradually beginning to gain commercial potential in fields such as network security and optoelectronics.data storage and transmission.
Skill #9: Nanotechnology: healthcare, information technology, manufacturing, and defense.
Soldering